From Me to Mommy

I was 35, navigating a toxic situationship, freshly finished with my Master’s degree, and finally feeling financially secure. I owned my home, had a new car, some lingering school debt, and a long list of travel destinations still unchecked. I could have waited to fully pay off the debt faster, travel more, and settleinto a calmer lifestyle. But something shifted when my grandmother passed away earlier that year.

Her loss made me reflect on just how fortunate I was to have had her presence throughout so much of my life and how I wish that for my mom to experience that with my child. It hit me: every year I waited was one less year my future child might have with their grandparents. That thought was simple, but powerful. It helped me realize that maybe there is no perfect time, instead, there is a right decision when it feels right for you.

I started exploring fertility options to go about this journey alone. At the time, I was still in school, working full-time, and trying to balance it all. During my annual check-up, I told my family doctor about my timeline and plans. Even though I expected to wait a bit, he didn’t hesitate, referring me to a fertility specialist right away.

A month later, I was sitting in the clinic, undergoing a battery of tests to assess where my body stood. I was open and honest with the specialist: school was still in progress, work was constant, and my plan was to move forward in about a year.

Fast forward them months, I completed my degree sooner than originally planned by doubling up on courses. But then... I stalled. I kept saying, “Next month I’ll contact the clinic,” then “Okay, next month for sure.” Months slipped by.

Then my grandmother passed.

It struck me again how blessed I’d been to have her as long as I did, and how deeply I wished my child could have known her too. That grief brought focus. It reminded me what I was truly waiting for and that maybe, I didn’t need to wait any longer.

If you're reading this and asking yourself whether it’s the right time, you’re not alone. Below are the five biggest questions I asked myself and the five most telling signs that helped me decide I was ready to become a parent.

Five Signs You Are Ready to Become a Parent

1. Your Life Has Stability
Babies thrive in stable environments; emotionally, financially, and mentally. If you're in a place where you can afford essentials like diapers, baby clothes every few months, and a secure home, that’s a solid foundation. Stability also includes having a support network: friends, family, a therapist… essentially people who can step forward when you’re physically or emotionally drained. Caring for a child means showing up even on the hard days, and a strong support system helps you do just that.

2. You Can Handle Responsibility
Let’s face it, some days adulting feels hard! And that’s okay. What matters is that you push through when it counts. Parenting doesn't pause when you're sick, tired, or overwhelmed. If you're someone who shows up, follows through, and gets things done even when you'd rather not, that’s a good indicator you're ready for the responsibilities of parenthood.

3. You Know How to Take Care of Yourself
Before you care for someone else, you need to know how to care for yourself. If you're still heavily dependent on others for everyday tasks or avoid facing life’s challenges head-on, it might be worth working on those areas first. Parenthood requires you to be the dependable one so building that self-sufficiency is key.

4. You Have a Positive Relationship with Yourself
A healthy parent-child relationship starts with a healthy relationship with yourself. If you're struggling with self-worth, body image, or inner peace, those feelings can unintentionally affect your child’s emotional development. Babies are incredibly perceptive and they learn first and foremost from you. You don’t need to be perfect (none of us are), but embracing your imperfections and showing yourself compassion creates a beautiful example for your child.

5. You Want to Become a Parent
This may seem obvious, but it's the most important sign of all. Don't let societal expectations, pressure from others, or an arbitrary timeline make the decision for you. You should want to become a parent because it feels right in your heart and not because you feel obligated. The desire to nurture, raise, and love a child should come from within.

Five Questions to Ask Yourself Before Becoming a Parent

1. Am I mentally and emotionally ready for the challenges of parenting?
Parenting can stir up deep emotional responses, including unresolved issues from your own childhood. It’s not unusual for past wounds to resurface during this transition and that’s okay. Seeking therapy doesn’t mean you’re unfit; it means you’re being proactive. I did, and it was one of the best choices I made for myself and my future child. Even if you feel emotionally stable now, consider how a baby might change your current relationships including the one you have with yourself.

2. Am I ready to give up (or reshape) my 'me' time?
I love putting on headphones and getting lost in drawing. But with a baby, time becomes a much more limited resource, especially for those parenting solo. You may have to put travel plans on hold, cut back on hobbies, or give up sleeping in on weekends. Even overnight sleep takes a hit. Are you ready to reframe your personal time and prioritize someone else’s needs? Consider how this might affect your future career or educational goals?

3. How will I manage financially?
You might be in a good financial place now, but parenting brings both immediate and long-term costs. Diapers, formula, clothes, and medical expenses are just the beginning. Over time, you'll need to think about childcare, schooling, extracurriculars, and more. In today’s economy, where costs are climbing quickly, it’s worth asking: Can I maintain a quality lifestyle while absorbing the financial demands of raising a child?

4. Do I have a strong support network?
When people say “it takes a village,” they’re not exaggerating. Whether you’re co-parenting or going it alone, there will be late-night feedings, laundry, meal prep, and emotional fatigue—and sometimes all of that in one day. Support makes a huge difference. Who will be there for you when you’re exhausted, overwhelmed, or just need a break? Are there local parent groups or community resources you can connect with? Have a friend but they aren't sure how to support you? Send them this article on How to Support Someone Going through Fertility Treatments.

5. Am I excited about the idea of becoming a parent?
Feeling nervous or uncertain doesn’t mean you’re not ready, it means you’re thinking seriously about what it means. But ask yourself: Do I feel drawn to parenthood? Am I excited, even a little, about raising a child? If you’re still unsure, try asking: What would it take for me to feel confident saying yes? And equally important: What would I need to feel at peace choosing to remain childfree? Your answer doesn’t need to be immediate, but taking the time to reflect on these questions is a powerful part of the journey.